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TOPIC: amends to husband

amends to husband 2 years 5 months ago #58

  • betzilla
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Hey everyone. Betsy here, alcoholic.

Right now I'm working up to making amends with my husband. This is so hard for me. I've been completely blocked on this -- I'm really, really reluctant to take responsibility for the problems in our relationship. Our marriage isn't super-strong right now, although I continue to grow as an individual. I'm trying to decide whether to go or stay, but can do neither before making amends to him. Until I do, I'm just in orbit.

Anyway, I just needed to spill this. It's weighing on me. I think I'll have to do this amends in pieces -- the first piece in the next few days. But I owe it to him and myself to get it done.

thanks for reading

B
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amends to husband 2 years 5 months ago #59

  • prozacian
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All you can do is try |Bettsy , I hope it works out for you i;m a strong believer in love will conquer all i know how this bit is alltough i dropped out from the 12 steps ( my fault completly i get anxiety around new ppl) i been trying to stick with the steps in my onw way. Now 8&9 seem to be the toughies you see like all recovering alcoholics I KNOW I f**ked up time and time agin to people who i love and caring about. My biggie though is my ex Christina we split up cos I told her i didnt love her anymore, the thing was and i guess still is i do, I just didnt want her around when the s**t hit the fan i knew from that stage i was heading downwards and dint want to drag her down with me ( she has real self esteem deppresion issues) now me and christina are back in contact after not talking for a year and it seems like she moved on and im happy 4 her she deserves to b happy , but everytime i mention the past she blanks it ive tried saying sorry , explaining but its like she wont talk about it cos it hurts 2 bad
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amends to husband 2 years 5 months ago #60

  • jonesg
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I just told people the truth.

This is why I am here ,this is what I did and I harmed you. I was insane and didn't know it and often didn't care even if I did. Can you forgive me.

Its got nothing to do with anything else.

If I amend the constitution it doesn't mean I merely apologize for the current state, its got more to do with change. Telling those I harmed the truth, the real truth, that was a real change. The results and responses I got from people were amazing.

I tried to do it like Dr Bob , he made almost all his amends in one day, he made the rounds, so once I got on a roll I find its best to stay on it.
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amends to husband 2 years 5 months ago #61

  • nia
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Yup, amends happen in phases and stages- great that you are trying! I prayed a lot before I approached anyone for this step-blessings, Nia
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amends to husband 2 years 5 months ago #62

  • cara
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I'm feeling a lot like Betsy. There seems a lot to do in my marriage and i'm not sure where to begin to be willing to do it .
Thing is I am turning myself inside out trying to figure who else I hurt and I just can't. My relationships were never that close and I did everything I could to protect everyone from my acting out (and acting in). I was so secretive that hardly anyone would have noticed anything wrong. Although I was not truthful to anyone I can't see how that actually hurt anyone, they didn't know any different.
Telling people the truth - now that would hurt people pretty badly so that is not an amends I could make.
Kind of a paradox that isn't it?
Cara
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amends to husband 2 years 5 months ago #63

  • zym
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It is important to have a sponcer through this step and to have opened up with that sponcer so they can see where to truth is that may be hiden to us, we are so close to our pains that we do not see them correctly, and it does take time to begin the focusing prosses. have faith ..all in Gods time not our.

But dont for get to Act, The act is ours the results are Gods
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