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TOPIC: My Step 3

My Step 3 2 years 5 months ago #75

  • byGrace
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I am sharing these steps in a public way for the sake of my own recovery and also for the possibility that this sharing might help others in their working of their 12 step program.

Step 3 as I understand it in my readings of the 12 step program is a step of conversion or at least major repentance (in the case of the Christian religion). In the original 12 steps of A.A., it seems to be the step where one turns over their life to the Higher Power that they have found that they believe could lead them out of the insanity of their addictive behaviors.

So how do I apply this step in my life? My addictive behaviors have been in terms of pornography. I have gone through the first 2 steps, realizing how destructive these behaviors have been and that I have been powerless over them so many times in my life. I have realized in step 2 that through applying the principles that I called HEHA (realizing the wickedness in my Heart, the need for a safe and locked down Environment, the need for good Habits and for Accountability) my Higher Power can work in my life to allow me to manage these behaviors in a sane manner. So now I come to step 3 and ask myself what should I do? I have had a belief in a given Higher Power for many, many years. His name is Christ Jesus. Although I have been hypocritical in my walk with Him (because pornography is not consistent with a true Christian walk), it is also true that I have always returned to Him after any addictive behavior. Therefore, for me there is not a need of conversion, but only a need for further and further refinement of my walk with Christ and how to be faithful on a day to day basis. The second step was such a refinement for me - a major refinement I might add. These principles of HEHA are proving to be effective in my life, but my final commitment is not to these principles but to my God. These principles are only useful as long as they allow me to walk faithfully with my God through Christ Jesus. So as far as I can tell, there is really not much more for me to do as I work my third step. I have in one sense worked this step over and over in my life each time that I got on my knees and repented of involvement with pornography and lust towards women. So for me I believe that just to re-affirm that commitment and that repentance is enough to satisfy the 3rd step of my 12 step program for porn and lust.

I wanted to share this insight in case others may be in a similar situation and wonder how they might work the 3rd step. This is how it seems to work for me so far. I am hoping that as I work through step 4 and subsequent steps that the convictions and directions will be even stronger, deeper and more satisfying.
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My Step 3 2 years 5 months ago #76

  • cara
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Hey Grace if you are still around and want a reply. i'm in step 3 and like you I was familliar with the doctrine of repentance as a way of turning around my life and turning away from sin. But what I have experienced in recovery is different.

Realising my powerlessness was important to me because for many years I tried to manage this myself and proved that it was impossible because my addiction progessed even though I repented many times of it. So having established that God is far more merciful than I had previously imagined Him to be in Step 2 I have found that my experience in Step 3 is one of relinquishment and abandoning myself and my addictive behaviour into His care.

This was also a familliar concept but previously the only things I had relinquished were the ones I had felt were fit for God to own. Silly me, none of it is fit for Him, even my best most holy efforts are not going to be fit. But by grace He accepts us as we are warts and all. The important thing is that only He can produce the transformation of recovery. That is the paradox and miracle of the program. Not God blessing our efforts but us working with Him and following His lead as we begin to move into freedom. Cara
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My Step 3 2 years 5 months ago #77

  • jonesg
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The only way I knew I had worked step 3 was by doing my 4th step.

Failure to complete the 4th step, per outlined in the Big Book, ommiting nothing and especially not complicating it by inventing directions which aren't there, any failure to comply with the simple directions means step 3 was a lie....or was true but became a lie, because it was agreed that I would go to any length.
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My Step 3 2 years 5 months ago #78

Thanks for sharing. I am also Christian, and having a really hard time with step three. I was really active in both my religion and in my faith, although, obviously not as completely as I could have been, I mean I developed this addiction, okay. And, along the way, I never quit believing in God, per se, like I never was a complete athiest, however i did walk out on God. I have since returned to my religion and my faith, the thing that is holding me up is that how can i turn my will and my life over to hte care of this God that I understand when I walked out on God? I mean, God could so totally not care for me.................in fact, I thouht, and was told that God didn't care for me, that I was damned......and to live that way for 26 some years and then take a third strep......it's hard. It's really really hard. When I was out there, "without" GOd, life was cheap, and secular, and eye for an eye, and watch your own back and all that stuff. And now, i know that I am so powerless, I know that God is good, very good.........I need to know if God is going to stay and stick around for me......all the good in my life, all the good people that I know are either dead or got sick of my shit.........and I am scared to trust this good God. I am just sort of saying this out here because I really dont know what else to do. I am so vulnerable and was wondering if someone out there somewhere in the world can tell me how do I say this to God.......How do I let go of the fear..........How do I know I wont get screwed again? Anyway, please be gentle and direct if you respond. I really can't take much more pain.

----Nine Months and six days abstinant and having trouble tying my shoes.
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