WHO AM I?
I can remember those dark days back in 1994 that I really did not know who I was. Have you been there or are you at that point today.
I knew the roles that I played, amongst them husband, father, employer, community volunteer, company leader; roles I played on life’s stage like an actor. Some I played much better than others.
Inside I was a mess and frequently felt like the cartoon character that walks around with a little black cloud over my head. I frequently compared myself to others and took others inventory as a way to make me feel OK. Something inside of me kept saying things were not OK. The most important relationships in my life were crumbling and I was escaping in the ways I knew would work, escaping through the use of mood altering substances and behaviours. I was “spiritually empty. I could go on, but I think some of you will know the place I was at.
I did know my roles in life although I had begun to fail miserably at some of them.
Who was I as a person? Who was I inside? Why was I so discontent and unhappy? Most importantly, how did I get there? Why me? What was the cause? I wasn’t sure who I was but knew I was not happy and did not like the person I had become.
In the language of AA, I had come to a turning point and had to take massive action and it all started with me.
At this point I needed help to become fearless and courageous in that a look at myself and my life. I needed “guides”, both professional and process to get to the bottom of the question and to get some help.
I was given the courage to do both.
I went through a process. In 12 step language it is known as a 4th step. I was coached and guided by people that knew what they were doing. They were trained; they had walked the path before me. They had come out at the other end and were people I respected.
At the end of this process I understood who I was for the first time in my adult life. I understood what had happened to get me to a low I couldn’t handle. I understood life patterns that went way back. I understood my weaknesses but every bit as importantly, understood the strengths and values that were still alive in me.
This massive action allowed me to be in a position to move forward on my journey of life transformation and recovery.
Many say you can get this “free” through a 12 step group, and for many this is true. For my own reasons, at this point in my life, it was not the option that worked for me. (For years I have been a member of a 12 step group). I needed professional help and reached out and got it. It was the single best investment I made in myself bar nothing. I can’t say this emphatically enough. I don’t knock other options but am grateful that I took a path that for me has given me on an increasing basis a me that I love and a life more in keeping with the life I was meant to live.
Do you know who you really are? Are you unhappy with where you are at in life today? Is the mirror your friend or are you uncomfortable looking yourself in the eye?
There are avenues open to you IF you are prepared to take a hard look at yourself then take massive personal action.
Want to get going so you know the answer to “WHO AM I?”
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