Social Forum 12 Step Forum Working Steps 4 and 5 Step 4 worksheet for Emotional Healing
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TOPIC: Step 4 worksheet for Emotional Healing

Step 4 worksheet for Emotional Healing 2 years 4 months ago #104

Control

As children, we had little or no control over our environment or the events that took place in our lives. As adults, we have extraordinary needs to control our feelings and behavior, and we try to control the feelings and behavior of others. We become rigid and unable to have spontaneity in our lives. We trust only ourselves to complete a task or to handle a situation. We manipulate others in order to gain their approval and keep a balance of control that makes us feel safe. We fear that our lives will deteriorate if we give up our management position. We become stressed and anxious when our authority is threatened.

Due to our need to control, we may:

* Overreact to change
* Lack trust
* Be judgmental and rigid
* Manipulate others
* Fear failure
* Be intolerant

List situations of control is a problem for you.

Example: I attempt to control my nineteen-year-old son because I am afraid of losing him. This affects my communication with him. This activates my fear of abandonment. This makes me feel very frightened and powerless.

I attempt to control _________________________________________________________________

I attempt to control _________________________________________________________________

I attempt to control _________________________________________________________________

I attempt to control _________________________________________________________________

Self evaluation: On a scale from one to ten, how much does control negatively affect your life? Number one indicates that it has little effect. Number ten indicates that it has great negative effect. Circle where you are today.

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Step 4 worksheet for Emotional Healing 2 years 4 months ago #105

Fear of Abandonment

Fear of abandonment is a reaction to stress that we developed in early childhood. As children, we observed unpredictable behavior from responsible adults. We never knew from one day to the next if our parents would be there for us. Many of us were abandoned either physically or emotionally. As our parents' addictions increased in severity, their inability to parent also increased. As children, we simply were not important. As adults, we are inclined to choose partners with whom we can repeat this pattern. We try to be perfect by meeting all our partner's needs in order to avoid experiencing the pain of abandonment. Our need to reduce the possibility of abandonment take precedence over dealing with issues or conflicts. This behavior produces a tense environment of poor communication.

When we fear abandonment, we may:

* Feel insecure
* Become caretakers
* Worry excessively
* Feel rejected
* Become co-dependent
* Avoid being alone

List situations where fear of abandonment is a problem for you.

Example: I fear abandonment by my husband because he doesn't pay much attention to me. This affects my peace of mind. This activates my caretaking and manipulation of him. This makes me feel very frightened and vulnerable.

I fear abandonment _________________________________________________________________

I fear abandonment _________________________________________________________________

I fear abandonment _________________________________________________________________

I fear abandonment _________________________________________________________________

Self evaluation: On a scale from one to ten, how much does fear of abandonment negatively affect your life? Number one indicates that it has little effect. Number ten indicates that it has great negative effect. Circle where you are today.

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Step 4 worksheet for Emotional Healing 2 years 4 months ago #106

Fear of Authority Figures

Fear of people in roles of authority can be a result of our parents' unrealistic expectations of us -- wanting us to be more than we were able to be. We see people in authority as having unrealistic expectations of us and thus, we fear we cannot meet their expectations. We are unable to deal with people whom we perceive as being in positions of power. Simple assertiveness displayed by others is often misinterpreted by us as anger. This can cause us to feel intimidated and to become oversensitive. No matter how competent we are, we compare ourselves to others and conclude that we are inadequate. As a result, we constantly compromise our integrity in order to avoid confrontation and criticism.

Fear of authority figures, may cause us to:

* Compare ourselves to others
* React rather than act
* Take things personally
* Feel inadequate
* Fear rejection
* Be arrogant

List situations where authority figures is a problem for you.

Example: I fear my boss because I don't want her to know how incompetent I feel. This affects my actions when I am around her. This activates me need to isolate -- I try to be unnoticed. This makes me feel childish and immature.

I fear _________________________________________________________________

I fear _________________________________________________________________

I fear _________________________________________________________________

I fear _________________________________________________________________

Self evaluation: On a scale from one to ten, how much does fear of authority figures negatively affect your life? Number one indicates that it has little effect. Number ten indicates that it has great negative effect. Circle where you are today.

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Step 4 worksheet for Emotional Healing 2 years 4 months ago #107

Frozen Feelings

Many of us have difficulty expressing our feelings or even realizing that we have them. We harbor deep emotional pain and a sense of guilt and shame. As children, our feelings were met with disapproval, anger, and rejection. For survival purposes, we learned to hide our feelings or repress them entirely. As adults, we are not in touch with our feelings. We can only allow ourselves to have "acceptable" feelings to stay "safe." Our true nature is distorted so we can protect ourselves from the reality of what is truly happening. Distorted and repressed feelings cause resentment, anger, and depression, which often lead to physical illness.

When we have frozen feelings, we may:

* Be unaware of our feelings
* Struggle with relationships
* Be depressed
* Become ill
* Have distorted feelings
* Withhold conversation

List situations where frozen feelings are a problem for you.

Example: I repress my feelings toward my spouse because I don't want to be hurt. This affects my actions and limits my ability to communicate with my spouse. This activates my need to isolate and causes me to be accused of being insensitive and unaffectionate. This makes me feel very isolated and lonely.

I repress my feelings _________________________________________________________________

I repress my feelings _________________________________________________________________

I repress my feelings _________________________________________________________________

I repress my feelings _________________________________________________________________

Self evaluation: On a scale from one to ten, how much do frozen feelings negatively affect your life? Number one indicates that it has little effect. Number ten indicates that it has great negative effect. Circle where you are today.

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Step 4 worksheet for Emotional Healing 2 years 4 months ago #108

Isolation

We usually find it safer to withdraw from surroundings that are uncomfortable for us. By isolating ourselves, we prevent others from seeing us as we really are. We tell ourselves that we are not worthy and, therefore, do not deserve love, attention, or acceptance. We also tell ourselves that we cannot be punished or hurt if we don't express our feelings. Rather than take risks, we choose to hide, thereby eliminating the need to face a certain outcome.

When we isolate ourselves, we may:

* Fear rejection
* Be timid and shy
* Feel defeated
* Be lonely
* Procrastinate
* See ourselves as different

List situations where isolation is a problem.

Example: I isolate from my spouse because he/she is so negative toward me. This affects my self-esteem. This activates my negative self-talk and anger. This makes me feel worthless and stupid.

I isolate _________________________________________________________________

I isolate _________________________________________________________________

I isolate _________________________________________________________________

I isolate _________________________________________________________________

Self evaluation: On a scale from one to ten, how much does isolation negatively affect your life? Number one indicates that it has little effect. Number ten indicates that it has great negative effect. Circle where you are today.

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Step 4 worksheet for Emotional Healing 2 years 4 months ago #109

Low Self-Esteem

Low self-esteem is rooted in our early childhood. During this time we were rarely encouraged to believe that we were adequate or important. Because of the constant criticism, we believed that we were "bad" and the cause of many family problems. To feel accepted, we tried harder to please. The harder we tried, the more frustrated we became. Low self-esteem affects our ability to set and achieve goals. We are afraid to take risks. We feel responsible for things that go wrong, and when something goes right, we do not give ourselves credit. Instead, we feel undeserving and believe it is not going to last.

When we experience low self-esteem, we may:

* Rescue or please others
* Have negative self-image
* Isolate from others
* Appear inadequate
* Be non-assertive
* Fear failure

List situations where low self-esteem is a problem for you.

Example: I feel low self-esteem when I'm asked to speak in front of others because I believe everyone knows how worthless and unimportant I feel inside. This affects my ability to speak intelligently. U mumble, make excuses, and apologize for myself. This makes me feel hopeless.

I feel low self-esteem _________________________________________________________________

I feel low self-esteem _________________________________________________________________

I feel low self-esteem _________________________________________________________________

I feel low self-esteem _________________________________________________________________

Self evaluation: On a scale from one to ten, how much does low self-esteem negatively affect your life? Number one indicates that it has little effect. Number ten indicates that it has great negative effect. Circle where you are today.

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