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TOPIC: Step 4

Step 4 2 years 4 months ago #93

I'm not sure how to do this 4th step, I haven't really ever hidden things from people or God, I've never stolen to support my habit, I've just never really been the type of person to keep secrets. I didn't have a bad childhood. I need someone to tell me just exactly what I'm supposed to include in this step so that I can get this done. I'm at a loss here! Any help would be appreciated.
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Step 4 2 years 4 months ago #94

  • godluvsall
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I'm sharing my Step 4 notes while in AA. Hope they help:

We must search out our flaws which have caused use failure. SELF has defeated us.

Resentment is the number 1 offender. It stems from all forms of spiritual disease. Once our spiritual malady is overcome we straighten out mentally and physically.

We are angry-WHY?

What has been injured? Self-esteem, security, ambitions, our personal or sex relations.

We must Trust and Rely on God. We are in this world to play the role HE assigns. We must have Faith which means having courage. We ask HIM to remove our Fear-and direct our attention to what He would have us to be.

Step 4 is but the beginning of a lifetime practice, you have to look at personal flaws which are troublesome and fairly obvious.

You make a survey of your conduct with respect to instincts for sex, security, and society.

We must cross-examine ourselves ruthlessly to determine how my own personality defects have demolished security.

The most common emotional insecurity is worry, anger self-pity and depression. We have buried these defects deep down in us under thick layers of self-justification. Whatever the defects, it pushed us into our addiction and misery.

STEP 4- Taking inventory aids to clear thinking and honest appraisal. It's the first TANGIBLE evidence of our complete willingness to move forward. Once we have a complete willingness to take inventory, we exert ourselves to do the job thoroughly. You can now list the major human failings, give it to God and start repairing your spiritual and emotinal walk.
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Step 4 2 years 4 months ago #95

  • eva
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Well I´m fighting with my 4th for a long time; recently I was suggested to concentrate on one important relationship only, and to do my 4th and 5th just in this one "small" area. I think it´s a great suggestion! - I´m concentrating on my relationship with my husband; I listed all my resentments concerning our relationship from the very start, I seek my part in them, and roots of my behavior that contributed to them. I´ve found out, in my case, the possible root is a lack of boundaries. I resent my husband for no respecting me, trying to manipulate and own me, not being there for me - but I recognized I never told him about my feelings, wants and needs. Mostly because I thought I have no right to have any; sometimes because I was scared if I told he would be angry at me. But now all the resentments, all the denied needs and wants, all the hurt feelings I didn´t mention, are spoiling our relationship, and my husband still doesn´t know why! - I can also see that I always tried to be a perfect woman and mother - just because I needed to feel good about myself, and I hoped I´ll prove my validity this way. In fact, I was trying to do things because of myself, but I thought I was sooo unselfish and devoted! But I resented then my husband and my kids, because they seemed not to see it...

Well, this is just a suggestion...

But then, all starts with a prayer. Just to be in God´s presence, and to ask for help and guiding... These days, especially, I try to look more on Him and less on myself, because He Himself is the guidance

God bless you!

Eva
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Step 4 2 years 4 months ago #96

  • cara
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Somewhere it is written that a forth step is never complete and it is never perfect. I took hope from that one.

When I began I was convinced that each of the things I wrote down would have to be wrung out of me but I just began by thinking about resentments and fears and guess what, everything else fell into place. I asked the question, 'Why do I resent this and why do I fear that?'

Once I got started not a day went by that I didn't think of some flaw (or attribute) in my character. It helped me to write down with each one how it affected me and in what way was it violating the will of my Higher Power. Some people don't like to put the positives in but I found it helpful for instance to realise how battling my fears had produced courage in me, even how some of my fears had prevented me from acting out, so do I want those things removed right now? It is all about knowing how you operate and why. I suppose at the end of the day if a forth step gives a good picture of who you are then you have done a good job.

I also checked out the Ten Commandments and figured out which ones I had broken in the pursuit of my addiction. After a while I realised that stuff I was coming up with was already there in the list in another form so now I think I may be ready to share that.

No it is not finished and I am sure it is not perfect but I think it is enough for now. Cara
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Step 4 2 years 4 months ago #97

  • jonesg
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Stacey_Tillett wrote:
I'm not sure how to do this 4th step, I haven't really ever hidden things from people or God, I've never stolen to support my habit, I've just never really been the type of person to keep secrets. I didn't have a bad childhood. I need someone to tell me just exactly what I'm supposed to include in this step so that I can get this done. I'm at a loss here! Any help would be appreciated.

What became clear to me wasn't the secrets I kept from everyone else, the dangerous ones were those I kept from myself.

I had trouble trying to do my 4th too but I realized its not a self help prgram and I sought help. The directions are very clear in the Big Book, we listed resentments. Only an alkie/addict could make that confusing. And so I did.

It was explained to me that "listed" means to write in vertical fashion, the mistake I had made was not listing. I'd write a resentment but continue across the columns because thats what the example in the Book shows, but the example in the Book is already completed and I couldn't see how it was developed. I thought I was supposed to do it so it looked like that but the directions say otherwise.

By the time I had completed the next columns I had already forgot the next resentment. So it was important to complete that resentment list before looking for the next direction. Doing it in thus fashion (by the Book) allows it to develop and the truth becomes obvious.

A freind told me her sponsor told her to write down the name every person she could recall, she had a resentment list with 2000 names. I'll say this, if its not in the Big Book its opinion and probably bs.

So I stick with what the Book says, its so simple.
Last Edit: 2 years 4 months ago by jonesg.
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