Reflections on Recovery[Dec 19, 2007]
I've been thinking (not always a good thing for a drunk - my head can be a very bad place to be) about my sobriety and how my life has changed.
Before I started on this journey in sobriety, I quit drinking countless times. I even managed to make it 6 months once. By sheer willpower. But I was never happy and life didn't improve. There was always something I used to convince myself to drink. Off to the races again. Ready, Set, Blackout.
This time it seems different. Using the things I learned, trusting God and as the BB says "practicing these principles in all my affairs", I not only see life differently, but I no longer have any desire for alcohol.
I don't believe it is a dream world - Life hasn't changed at all. People are still *ss*oles and life still sucks altogether too often. What has changed is my perception of and reactions to the world around me.
Where a little thing used to bother me (akin to the point where a hangnail would require amputation), I now stack it up against the cost to my serenity and ask myself "Is this really going to mean anything tomorrow, next week or a year from now?". Usually the answer is "Nope - so why the h*ll am I even thinking about it?".
Where my ego would override my honesty - which meant I always had to be right, I now try to ask myself if being right is worth hurting someone over? Almost always the answer is a resounding NO. By not hurting someone, that means that I don't have to turn right around and make an amend to them.
Where I used to despise people in general, I find that most are actually quite likable if I take the time to understand their point of view. I may not agree with it, I don't have to take it personally.
Where I thought God was for those weaklings that couldn't stand on their own two feet, I found that I was one of those weaklings. As long as I turn things over to Him, my serenity is guaranteed. It's when I figure out that I am so much smarter than God that things get stupid on me. Go figure.
All this - just for living 12 easy to understand steps. Every day. For the rest of my life. Duh...
I believe it is a cheap price to pay for no more blackouts, No apologies for things I don't remember doing, no jail, not losing ones I love, not losing friends.
And being able to share experience, strength and hope with all of you.... I wish for you, my friends, all the best.
Dennis<< Previous Next >>
2007: Dec 14 Dec 15 Dec 16 Dec 19 Dec 22 Dec 24 Dec 26 2008: Jan 1 Jan 5 Jan 8 Jan 12 Jan 13