WONDERING

Wondering

I was sitting here thinking (probably not a good thing for a drunk like me to do) about where I've been and where I am now.

I used to sit here and wonder "why me"? Why did so many things go wrong? Why I was always so lonely? Why I couldn't be happy, even if good thing happened around and to me? Why when I drank, It didn't help? I used to think that another drink would cure everything.

Now I sit here and wonder "why me"? Since I've managed to stay sober, I look around and am astounded at the grace I have been given (which I had no right nor reason to expect). I'm alone right now, and not a bit lonely. I am happy, and not one extraordinary event caused it. For the life of me, I don't understand it. And it doesn't bother me in the least. I'll just accept it gratefully. I am truly humbled by this. May I never turn my back on Him.

The only serious regret I have left is that I did not learn of this sooner. All those wasted years. My prayer is that all the young ones out there with an affliction like mine receive the same amazing peace that I have right now. Fewer wasted years for them. They in turn to speak to even younger ones and they in turn would have even fewer wasted years. And so on, ad infinitum.

I know it is but a fantasy, but after all those years of self inflicted nightmares at least I can wish again. And hopefully take what little I have to offer and spread it to others in need. Those that read this, take and use what you can with comfort in knowing there are those that truly understand and wish you His will in all things.

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